Almost every child has a toy, usually a stuffed animal or doll, that becomes the chosen one, the favorite, the must-have-all-the-time item. Parents live in mortal fear that this coveted toy will be lost, left, forgotten, dropped in the river, accidentally thrown away, mistakenly shipped to Brazil, or shredded by a pack of stray dogs. When something is taken everywhere your child goes, it's not a matter of if but when a crisis will occur due to the premature termination of your child's loving bond with the object.
A.'s favorite toy is a Gund baby doll that she has affectionately named Baby. It is a mystery as to why exactly Baby was ordained to carry out this role, but up to this point, A. has not felt compelled to offer an explanation.
Mommy and I shudder to think what might happen if Baby were to ever meet her Maker before her time. A. won't go to sleep at night unless she is holding Baby in her arms. A. prefers not to leave the house unless Baby comes along. Baby gets to sit out the dinner table, attend numerous tea parties, be read to, rock, swing, and say her bedtime prayers. In fact, A.'s childhood fantasies are literally lived vicariously through Baby. Neither one of us ever wanted to be the bearer of bad news that Baby was forever lost. Enter the clever back up plan...
When Mommy discovered that Baby was discontinued by Gund and not readily available for purchase, she quickly sent out an All Points Bulletin to the relatives, friends, and extended family to be on the lookout for a replacement Baby: the just-in-case-the-unthinkable-should-happen Baby Substitute. Evidently, the only things you can't buy on eBay are human body parts, people, and A.'s Baby Gund doll.
Fortunately, one of our out-of-state relatives spotted a genuine Baby Substitute in a local store and purchased it for us. We were now prepared for the worst. If Baby should croak, we would quickly and slyly pull out the new one, and life would be grand. And wouldn't we look so smart? Parenting Magazine would be calling us for interviews. Katie Couric and Today would be set up in our front yard.
One day when Baby needed a bath in the washing machine to remove the grime acquired from 24/7 living with a two-year-old, Mommy offered up Baby Substitute to A. in the dark when she was in her bed. A. immediately said, "That's not Baby!" In the dark she knew, I tell you. She felt the doll and could tell that it's travels were only extensive as to the top of our closet where she had been hidden away until needed. Clean and shiny Baby Substitute was quickly labeled a fraud. This was not Baby!! Where is Baby!?
Couldn't we just say, "Baby went to the spa and got that deep cleansing treatment to make her skin silky smooth. Face masks have come a long way in technology to remove those pesky fuzz balls. And yes, she stopped by the Baby boutique and got another Onesie since the other one had a few worn spots"? Evidently A. wouldn't buy that.
So far, Baby has survived (knock on wood) as a fully functioning member of the family although she's a bit tattered. With each new sign of wear, A.'s love for her has only grown. Baby Substitute, now fully exposed and out of the closet, has been given to E. A., to protect her copyrighted name, has refused to allow us to call it E.'s Baby but has instead renamed Baby Substitute to Baby Sister, appropriately enough. E. doesn't quite have the same affinity for Baby Sister. Her biggest thrill is to chew on Baby Sister's night cap, tackle her in the crib, and then fall asleep on her. I think E., taking the practical approach, views her more as a pillow.
We just thought we were going to outsmart our two-year-old daughter, but she could instantly see through our plan. And I hear that parenting only gets harder. My gosh.
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